2015 was a year of self discovery and growth for me. Whilst I didn’t talk about it much in this space, I had, what you might call, a bit of a breakdown in August. It took me by surprise, I didn’t realise how ill I’d been for the weeks previous so when I finally crumbled it was a bit of a shock. Looking back now I see how easy it was for me to hit rock bottom like that. I’d been sleep deprived for a year and a half, was trying to juggle work and full time mothering without any help, and neglected every single part of myself, my mind, body and soul. I wasn’t giving myself enough time on my own, with my husband or with friends, and I didn’t have enough respite from the work of motherhood. I’d managed to loose my own identity and forget what was really important to me beyond just my children.
I feel very lucky my family loved me during that time and helped me piece myself back together without judgement. Their kindness is what healed me the most and helped me to see how important it is to open up about my vulnerabilities and not isolate myself from the people in life who really matter.
There were lots of highs this year too; little trips to my parent’s cottage to recharge and reboot, beach walks, wood walks, exploring exploring. I reconnected with my creative side in some simple craft projects and discovered the power of essential oils for healing. The kids grew, legs getting longer, new words learnt – (Elsie said stone just yesterday and Rafferty has recently learnt the meaning of ‘similar’ and likes to use it as often as possible). Our baby turned one and our toddler 3. Elsie learnt to walk, then run and she hasn’t stopped since! We took our first family holiday abroad to Puglia in Italy and soaked up the Italian countryside as a family of four. Rafferty started going to school nursery every afternoon in September and Elsie started going to a childminders one day a week this month. This year was also the one in which we entered the age of the pigtail much to my delight!
I grew too, I started to be kinder and gentler on myself and to speak up when things get too much. I rediscovered my love for writing and relaunched this blog with a new name and a new look. It’s been so good for me to get back to this space more regularly, to reflect and record. I also learnt that I need to
love myself and look after myself more. That time alone is actually really
important, if not vital, to my well being and that I can only do so much
– and that’s ok – I don’t have to master it all to be happy.
I’m looking forward to 2016, a new year with new possibilities. I am sure there will be more personal growth and lessons learned. The children will bloom once more and I have some sweet little ideas up my sleeve to do with them including keeping a nature journal to document the seasons, starting swimming classes and hopefully cracking how to share and be kinder to each other – something that has been my biggest struggle as a mother this year.
Thank you for visiting me in this space over the last 12 months and for all your comments and emails, I read every single one of them. I hope you all have a wonderful new years celebration today and that 2016 brings you love, laughter and adventure.