2014 has been a big year for me so far. Elsie arriving has brought so much light and happiness into our lives. Raff has grown in so many ways over the past 6 months too; speaking in whole sentences, starting at preschool, learning to make friendships and best of all saying the words “I love you Mummy” countless times a day. I feel truly thankful for all 2014 has given me so far and look forward to what is next in store for this sweet little family of mine.
As a mother, time has this amazing ability to stand totally still at points yet swoosh by in a whirlwind of intensity at others. Sometimes I have to pause and take stock, to appreciate the little things in our days and remember how very lucky I am. It’s easy to get caught up in the nuts and bolts of a day rather than breathe in the magic moments and hold onto them a while longer.
My heart is heavy when I think how much the children have changed. I was thinking last night how very blurry Elsie’s first couple of months are in my memory. I wish I could find clarity in those memories and hold onto the little details. Her first 3 months seem like 3 days in my mind. I wish I could revisit them, fall in love with her all over again. There is something amazing about the first weeks with your baby, your heart’s ability to double in size each day, the way you get to know their coos, their cries, their smell. The tenderness of their touch and the incredible honour you feel, caring for someone so very vulnerable.
Whilst I love the growth and evolution my children go through, and marvel at the wonder each stage seems to bring, I also feel a sense of sadness when each phase passes. I know deep down in my heart I’m letting go of the littleness, and it’s very unlikely I’ll experience it again. Four seems to be our magic number, Elsie has completed our family and we couldn’t have wished for a more beautiful soul to join us.
I also reflect on my own childhood much more these days. On the freedom and happiness you feel when you’re young. Finding everyday things, beautiful, exciting, extraordinary; we can learn so much from children.
I hope I continue to grow as a mother. Every day I learn more about myself, and my capacity to be a nurturer. I understand now, how powerful a force love is. How a mother’s love can be utterly overwhelming at times and will move you to do things, be things, feel things you would otherwise have not. My heart knows no bounds and will go to any lengths to protect and nurture my little ones. And something tells me it will always be this way, for as long as I live.